With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
