I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
