True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
