I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
