i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
