i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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