I wish I could teleport
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
