I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
