this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
