If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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