Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
