umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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