Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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