so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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