I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
