Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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