i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
