Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
