his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
