i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
