Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she told me i tasted like america
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
