Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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