With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
