I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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