Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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