woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
