you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
