The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
