You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
