I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
