I hate all girls vehemently.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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