btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
