He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
