I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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