in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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