he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
