I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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