took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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