now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
