proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
