What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
