hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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