He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
