It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
