I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
