I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
