Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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