I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
