she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
