Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
